The Hollow Mud Men
by RabulaTasa
Summary: "That was how the world ended: with a bang, and then a whimper." A little genocide goes a long way. Apologies to T. S. Eliot.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Artemis Fowl.

_By the waters of Babylon we sat down and wept, when we remembered thee, O Zion.  
__As for our harps, we hanged them up upon the trees that are therein.  
__For they that led us away captive required of us then a song, and melody in our heaviness: _'_Sing us one of the songs of Zion.'  
__How shall we sing the LORD'S song in a strange land?_

-Psalm 137:1-4

* * *

_**A Strange Land**_

"In the end, the People found committing genocide to be much easier than they could have ever believed."

The recording displayed nothing but a smooth white wall. The narrator dictated from off-screen, their voice digitally altered to the point where it was impossible to identify their gender, much less their identity.

"Given what we knew at the time, of course, it seemed like the only feasible option. Fear of our own extinction drove us onward—a fear that was admittedly well founded. Our actions may have saved the People, but they may have also damned us."

Suddenly, the image of the wall was replaced with a globe focused on the North American continent.

"It began—or so we believed at the time—when a primitive thermonuclear device was detonated at a Mud… at a human sporting event in the city of Denver." A small red circle appeared near the center of the continent. "The human death toll was enormous, but the primary concern for the People was the radiation from the blast. The local fallout rendered a significant number of North American ritual sites unusable," the red circle on the map grew considerably to encompass a sizable portion of the continent," and the radioactive particles shot up into the stratosphere endangered sites on a global scale." At this, the entire globe turned a very faint shade of red.

"The human government in control of the affected area went understandably crazy, and upon obtaining evidence that a rival government had been behind the attack, retaliated in kind." The on-screen globe rotated and bursts of red began blossoming in various locations. With each bloom, the entire globe grew a progressively deeper shade of crimson. "It was at this point that the Council initiated Operation: Babel. Within minutes, human international communications were offline. Within an hour, the most advanced Mud Man… the most advanced _human_ communication device still working was a lantern and a mirror." The turning globe continued to sprout new bubbles of death, but the rate began to slack off as new missile launches tapered off.

"We thought that the worst had passed for us. This was an unprecedented disaster, of course, but even with the rising global radiation levels there were still sites for the People to use. Most of the retaliatory strikes from the initial attack had landed in areas with relatively few ritual sites, and while the global radiation level was a serious concern, we could endure.

"But we forgot about the submarines."

Suddenly, a flurry of scarlet was scattered across the globe, plunging enormous swaths of territory in blood and fire. "It was only three nuclear missile submarine captains that panicked when they lost contact with their chain of command, but three was more than enough. Missiles were fired almost indiscriminately at the enemy, and before they were finished every last North American ritual site was unusable, half of Asia was toxically radioactive, western Europe was a smoldering waste, and there was enough fallout in the stratosphere that within months a fairy wouldn't be able to go onto the surface at all without a rad-suit.

"Then LEP technical consultant Opal Koboi presented her solution to the council." The globe continued to spin as the narrator's distorted voice was replaced by the clear voice of a female pixie.

"The Mud Men had unknowingly threatened the existence of the People once more," she said, "for how can we protect ourselves without magic? Should the Mud Men discover us, sheer weight of numbers—even reduced as they are—will crush us." Frightened, the Council muttered in agreement. But what could they do about it?

"Magic must be carefully rationed, used only for to maintain the secrecy of the People." An obvious statement, and just as obviously only the beginning of what she planned to propose. "We must also take steps to safeguard our future existence. We _must_ put an end to the Mud Man threat for good." A stunned silence followed her proclamation, and she hurried to explain herself before objections could be voiced.

"I am not proposing that we murder the Mud People—we are, after all, not the barbarians they are. But we know that we will not be able to hide from them forever, and any confrontation with them only becomes more dangerous to us as they advance. Our greatest disadvantages against them have always been our peaceful nature and our comparatively glacial rate of population growth. I propose we, for lack of a better term, _neuter_ the Mud People. They will blame the declining birthrates on the radiation from their most recent misadventure, and with our continued interference with their communications in place, they will have little reason to suspect otherwise until it is too late for them to do anything about it, even if they could. Best of all, we will have no blood on our hands: after all, we aren't killing anybody. After the youngest of them are too old to reproduce, and after there are few enough left to pose a significant threat of discovery, we can start sending fairies up to begin cleaning up the mess they left behind.

"Honorable Council, we have the opportunity here to live to see our children grow up on the surface, free from fear. Or we can huddle here in Haven until the inevitable comes crashing down on us. It is in your hands."

The narrator's voice returned. "The Council decided that they couldn't make such a breathtakingly serious decision on its own without any input from the fairies they represented. A referendum was issued, and in their fear ninety percent of the People voted to carry out Opal Koboi's plan. Within a month, she had produced the first batch of a virus that would render any and all infected humans permanently infertile. Within two months, she had produced enough to dose every surviving human twice over. Within three months, every last one of those viruses was on the surface. Within four months, the human birthrate was a tenth of its pre-war levels. Within five months, it was almost nonexistent. Opal Koboi was hailed as a hero—a savior, even—of the People.

"Then one of her competitors, in the middle of committing an act of industrial espionage, discovered her video diary." The narrator cleared their throat. "Foaly, the founder and president of Foaly Industries, presented his findings to the LEP commander Julius Root, who immediately passed it to the Council. It was revealed to them and the public at large that they had been grievously deceived. Not only had Opal been behind the initial blast in Denver, but she had also used the _mesmer_ on the necessary human leaders to ensure our activation of Babel, as well as on the three unfortunate submarine captains so that they would launch their payloads upon the loss of communications with their governments.

"Our beloved hero was the greatest mass murderer in history, and using her crime had manipulated the People into committing the intentional genocide of another sentient race.

"We threw her into the deepest hole we could find and threw away the key, but the damage had already been done. We frantically scrambled for a cure, but even our brightest minds failed: it is a great deal easier to break something than it is to fix it, after all.

"As a last resort, the LEP Conservation unit, or LEPcon was formed. Led by Major Holly Short (formerly of LEPrecon) and staffed by the LEP's best and brightest, LEPcon's assigned mission is to identify and relocate as many of the remaining humans still capable of reproduction to designated living areas outside Haven city limits. If we move quickly enough, we can avert their extinction. With luck, we might even convince them not to try and kill us."


End file.
